There were two brothers with thenames of Bobby Longman and Bob Longman. On the first morning of summer, they decided to make a delicious sandwich. They first got a bun, then some lettuce, then some cheese, then some meaty and some sauce. Then Bobby wanted to put some pickles from a jar on to his sandwich. So he put his hand in the jar and grabbed a pickle but suddenly, he could not get his hand out! So Bob, using his strength, tried to pull the jar from Bobby but it was too tight. Then Bob put butter on the jar to try and slip it off but it still would not move. Then Bobby wanted to go to the toilet but as he was walking Bob accidentally dropped the butter on the ground in front of Bobby as he was walking. One second later, Bobby fell. Then the jar on his hand, fell to the ground as well and shattered. So Bob helped Bobby up and they had their delicious sandwich and lived happily ever after. Until mum came home.
Peer CRC.
C - It was an interesting story.
R - Next time you should not have big spaces in your story.
C - The ending was very funny
Daniel
Reflection
I thought that my mini narrative was quite good and that I have a good ending. Next time I could put in some more onomatopoeia.
My Mini Narrative
W.A.L.T:
Write your first narrative in this space:
There were two brothers with the names of Bobby Longman and Bob Longman. On the first morning of summer, they decided to make a delicious sandwich. They first got a bun, then some lettuce, then some cheese, then some meaty and some sauce. Then Bobby wanted to put some pickles from a jar on to his sandwich. So he put his hand in the jar and grabbed a pickle but suddenly, he could not get his hand out! So Bob, using his strength, tried to pull the jar from Bobby but it was too tight. Then Bob put butter on the jar to try and slip it off but it still would not move. Then Bobby wanted to go to the toilet but as he was walking Bob accidentally dropped the butter on the ground in front of Bobby as he was walking. One second later, Bobby fell. Then the jar on his hand, fell to the ground as well and shattered. So Bob helped Bobby up and they had their delicious sandwich and lived happily ever after. Until mum came home.
Peer CRC.
C - It was an interesting story.
R - Next time you should not have big spaces in your story.
C - The ending was very funny
Daniel
Reflection
I thought that my mini narrative was quite good and that I have a good ending. Next time I could put in some more onomatopoeia.